...Life...

There are times in life when you feel that too much hatred has been vented out. You start having that feeling that if we would have started as friends would it have been different. If I wouldn't have said so much would she still be with me. If I wouldn't have done those things, where she always said you have crossed your limits would it have been easier.

Instead of all these thoughts, what if I would have never met her. What if I would not have become serious bout her.

...there are just too many if's - damn confusing...bullshit!!!

She was everything, but a figment of my imagination.

...My mind like always did play those excruciating tricks but on someone none other than me!!!

A couple of friends did come up with a solution to all those pathetic psychotic actions I had got associated with...and the judgement made was quite simple - ...that while I speak I think (read the sentence once again, it means exactly what it sayz in exactly the same way it is put up). So in other words I speak stuff that is at that point part of my thought process, making it clearly un-intelligible to the person with whom the communication is being made. This did not take rocket science to figure out, something that was always there; but never said to me on the face in a manner understandable to me...so god only knows what I would have spoken to her...

Over time i believed my mind was weaving my 'self' into multiple personalities - not exactly a syndrome, but something just starting from college life (to escape those brutalizing ragging sessions). i hid the fear so deep inside me that I started living a virtual life - a lie. It is truly said, "Practice makes one perfect"; soon I learnt to blend this life with my real one and everything fit in perfectly that I had every hot female in college speaking to me. Some serious, others objects of mere 'ecstasy' - with this came the surge of adrenalin from being a nobody I suddenly became a somebody; known in hostel for all wrong reasons.

Coming to Bangalore was something unexpected - my parents happily shipping me to this place to do an MBA; but with a crazy mind like mine and over flowing creativity things were destined to happen differently. college life had left me with a taste of being around girls and what could have been the best way to achieve that - a BPO, not too well known an' having an abundance of pleasing sights (Girls on and off the floor!!!)

Life was something like the cheap liquor brought from corner shops, excitin' yet missing the buzz. Dated a fair share of females,never from the place I worked in. Things were fine until need arose for something that I had been missing, something to get me in the flow of experience...

The start was slow and play was only made for 'holes' that were achievable and a stroke right in to the hilt was something overtly "orgasmic". Soon the craving and desire for more made me realize I am just trying to be another 'David Copperfield' in a crowd of dimwits - who have tried it all, passed a few and rejected others.

...The realization came at the pace of a snail, they kept telling me - never at workplace. I dared to defy an existing rule and paid the price of uprooting my innocence on more than one occasion, with a choice of chasing the truth or remain hidden behind the shadow of lie...

"...guess the choice was made the day i stepped in this new world, the day I started respecting females..the day I forgot what love was?..."